Your Handwriting
by Chiyala
Summary: When Natsu's feelings for Gray threaten to get the better of him, he decides to write a love letter.


**Written for Gratsu Week 2016, Day 3: Love Letter(s). Enjoy!**

* * *

Natsu was wide awake long before dawn. He hadn't slept much to begin with. His eyes wandered over the many crumpled papers and tissues in his bin and then focused on the white envelope lying on the middle of his desk. Was he really going to pull this through?

 _Yes_ , he would. Otherwise, he'd lose his mind over the pent-up feelings that were roaming like an inferno (or a blizzard, rather) through his body whenever a certain ice mage was around, or when he was even just thinking about him. It had been going on for far too long and Natsu's initial belief that his feelings would eventually dissipate if ignored for long enough, had turned out to be wrong. It was quite the opposite - they just seemed to grow stronger each day. With every moment spent with Gray his love for him only intensified. His craving to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him close and never let go was getting harder and harder to keep in check. He'd spent so many sleepless nights thinking about Gray, fantasizing, crying, pacing, even masturbating to thoughts of him; he'd lost count of them.

Natsu pulled himself together, fetched the envelope, and started his journey to Gray's house. He'd chosen this time of the day in the hope of not being seen wandering around Magnolia with a love letter in hand. Not that anybody would know that it _was_ a love letter, but still. This felt too intimate. It was something between only the two of them.

The closer he got to Gray's house, the move nervous he got. All of his doubts were eating at his nerves, their voices growing louder by the second. When he was finally only a few steps away from Gray's postbox, his hands were sweating and trembling heavily. He held the envelope carefully with the tips of his thumb and pointer finger, not wanting his sweat to ruin the letter.

Taking the last few steps turned out to be the hardest steps he'd ever taken in his whole life. His legs were shaking and one step before the postbox, the envelope slipped between his unsteady grip and landed on the floor. The side adorned with the neatly written 'Gray' was turned upwards for Natsu to see, and it made him even more conscious of what he was about to do and what consequences this action could possibly have if received badly. He could still take it back, pretend he'd never written a love letter, pretend everything was fine. Except that _nothing_ was fine and he knew that he couldn't go on like this any longer.

He took a deep breath, picked up the letter, and without letting himself think about it, he slipped it into Gray's postbox, turned around, and ran away.

Only when he flopped down on his bed did he allow his thoughts to run wild again. His mood changed between hopeful, self-pitying, and a 'fuck it all, I'll happily accept any possible outcome'-attitude over the course of the next hours.

* * *

When it was about time to get ready to head for the guild, Natsu had turned into a sleep-deprived bundle of nerves that could explode any moment. Not that he was going to let any of this show - at least not if he could help it. Happy noticed right away though.

"Good morning. You look a bit tense. Did you have a bad dream?" was Happy's morning greeting.

He scratched the back of his head, shrugged and said nonchalantly, "Yeah, and then I couldn't fall back asleep afterwards. I'm just a bit tired I guess."

On the way to the guild hall, Natsu tried to focus all his attention on the light chit chat with Happy. It worked better than anticipated and by the time they reached the guild, Natsu had _nearly_ managed to suppress every thought of the impending interaction that would inevitably change his life to the better or the worse- until he entered the main hall and saw Gray, Lucy, Erza, Gajeel, Lisanna, and Levy all crouching over a paper on the table.

Gray's face was flushed, Lucy and Lisanna were grinning happily, Erza eyed the paper suspiciously, Gajeel wore a bemused expression, and Levy was deep in thought while inspecting the paper closely. Surely Gray wouldn't have... No, even he couldn't be _that_ cruel, could he? Natsu refused to believe that Gray had exposed him to their guild mates like that.

The one who spotted him first was Lucy. She beckoned him while shouting, "Natsu, you wouldn't believe it! Gray has received an anonymous love letter!"

 _Anonymous?_ Natsu was frozen on the spot, gaping at Lucy. He thought back to the moment when he'd finished the final version of his letter. As soon as he'd finished writing the last sentence, he'd quickly read it over once more before folding it neatly and putting it into the envelope he'd already inscribed earlier. _Seriously?_ How could anyone be so stupid and forget to sign a love letter?

Lucy nudged Gray's side playfully and said, "See? I told you he wouldn't believe it."

Gray glared at her. "And _I_ told _you_ not to tell him!"

Natsu didn't hesitate any longer. He was at Gray's side in an instant and glanced over Levy's shoulder onto the letter. "As if you could've hidden that from me with your little gathering and all," he teased.

To his surprise Gray blushed and looked away, muttering a half-hearted "shut up" under his breath.

It was Levy who spoke next. "Natsu, do you recognize this handwriting?"

Natsu was glad that everybody was focused on the letter rather than on his face; he was sure he was blushing. He was thankful that nearly nobody knew how his handwriting looked, seeing as there was seldom any need to write. "No, I have no idea. Maybe Juvia?"

"No. I'm sure it wasn't Juvia. She has no reason to write an anonymous love letter when she's confessing her love every time she sees Gray for everyone to hear. The text says that the person who wrote this is too shy to confess their feelings. Plus the story told in this letter doesn't fit hers," Levy stated.

Then Gajeel patted her head gently and said with a smirk, "I think somebody is just trying to pull your leg, Gray. Who would write such sappy things anyway?" Natsu felt his cheeks heat.

Levy slapped his hand away and turned around harshly. "Shut up! Stop being so rude! This isn't a fake, so if you have nothing else to say, kindly piss off." She pointedly turned her back to Gajeel and returned her attention to the paper lying in front of her.

"Geez, why so serious, shrimp? What makes you so sure that this isn't a fraud?"

Levy sighed and took up her magnifying glass. She hovered it over the letter. The spots where his tears had hit the paper could be seen very clearly. "Who would go to such lengths just for a fake? Making it look like the author of this had been crying while writing it? No, this is real and the one who wrote this is deeply in love with Gray and honestly fears his reaction if he ever finds out. Thus an anonymous letter. Probably the person wants to check out his reaction to this from a safe distance and then decide if it's worth a try or not."

Natsu's heart was pounding heavily in his chest. Yeah, that actually sounded clever. Why hadn't he thought of this before? He'd do it just like Levy had said. He made a mental note to thank Levy for this properly once the situation was resolved - _if_ the situation was ever going to be resolved.

"Geez, whatever, I'll leave you lovesick birds alone, this is too much for me," Gajeel said and turned around, heading towards the bar while waving his hand over his head. Nobody paid him any attention.

"How do we find out who it is, then?" Lisanna mused.

"Let's just leave it alone, guys. The one who wrote this doesn't want to be found out, so let's not pry into other people's business... any more than we already have," Lucy said and Natsu suddenly felt the urge to hug her.

Gray cleared his throat and snapped the paper and the envelope away from Levy's table. "Yeah, Lucy is right. I didn't want so many people to know of this in the first place. So please at least try not to spread the news all over Magnolia by today's afternoon, alright?" And with that, he stalked off and sat down at a still empty table.

Happy, who had probably been hovering over their heads this whole time, followed him, yanked the letter out of Gray's hand, and landed on Natsu's head with it. He cleared his throat and started reading it out.

"Gray, just thinking about you makes me incredibly hap-"

"SHUT IT!" An iced harpoon came flying in their direction, but Natsu dodged it easily.

"But I wanna read it!" Happy cried out.

" _You..._ Give it back!" Gray charged towards them, but Happy flew away, high enough so that Gray couldn't reach him. Natsu put a hand on Gray's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"Come on, Gray. I'm sure he's already read parts of it anyway, and half the guild knows, so why not just let him read it all?"

Gray surprisingly sighed and answered, "Fine. But read it quietly!"

The three of them settled down at the table and Happy put the letter down for everyone to see. Natsu was pretty sure he already knew the contents by heart, but it would appear suspicious if he didn't want to read it as well, being the nosy fellow he was, so he just went along with it.

 _Gray,_

 _just thinking about you makes me incredibly happy._

 _Even though I might not be able to show it properly, I would do everything to make you happy._

 _When I close my eyes, I see you smiling at me in that adorable way of yours. Whenever you smile at me for real, it makes me warm and fuzzy all over._

 _I don't know how or when this happened, but I'm feeling like this for you since some years already. It was a slow process. I noticed I was attracted to you more and more but I didn't recognize it for what it was until about a year ago. I thought I could just ignore the feeling and it would go away eventually, but that wasn't true. I've never wanted to feel that way about, but it's there all the same. I still wish these feelings towards you would just go away. It would be so much easier that way. But now I know that's not going to happen. Not now, not ever._

 _I'm irrevocably in love with you, Gray Fullbuster._

 _I've kept it to myself all this time, knowing that the chance of you accepting my feelings, let alone returning them, is painfully low. Even now while I'm writing this, there's so much doubt and fear inside me that I'm not sure if I'll really be able to hand this letter over to you. I'm such a coward, aren't I?_

 _Maybe you're wondering why I decided to write a love letter now, after suffering silently for so long. The answer is: I feel like I'm about to explode if I don't do anything about it soon._

 _Even if your answer is negative, I won't regret writing this letter. At least then I'll know for sure and can try to get over you. Though I already know it's going to be impossible._

 _You're my everything, my whole world. I love you._

Natsu had underestimated the effect that reading this again would have on his mental state. He needed to blink away the tears while trying to pretend that he hadn't finished reading yet. If he looked up now and Gray noticed the wetness in his eyes, that would be a dead giveaway. He swallowed. He needed to come up with something and _fast_. He could pretend he was a slow reader, but even a slow reader would finish eventually. Would it really be that strange if such a letter made him emotional? Maybe yes, but there was just no other option left now.

Natsu slowly lifted his head and looked at Gray, whose face was still tinted pink.

"Wow, that's... really sweet."

"Yeah, it is. I wish I knew who it was from."

"Any idea who it could be?"

"Well, obviously somebody from our guild, and not somebody who joined recently. Not any of the girls who just read it. They all looked genuinely surprised. There are not so many options left. It could still be Mirajane, Cana, Evergreen, though I'm pretty sure she's into Elfman. Or maybe..." he trailed off and Natsu could swear that his cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink.

"Maybe what?" he pushed.

"Nothing. Never mind."

Natsu's heart was beating heavily. Had Gray figured him out? Best to keep him busy and not let him time to think about it. "So... do you like it?"

"Are you kidding? Who wouldn't like receiving such- oh. _Oh!_ You're _jealous_. Natsu is jealous!"

Now Natsu's face was definitely flaming. Gray hadn't figured it out then. But he was being an insufferable idiot.

"Shut up. Why would I be jealous of you?" He hit the back of Gray's head. _Yeah, why would I? You're the last person I would be jealous of..._ If Gray only knew how true this was. But he didn't. Instead, he was getting pissed that Natsu had hit him and the two of them broke out in a fight.

* * *

Later that day, when Gray and Natsu sat as far away from each other as the guild hall would allow, both with a big bump on their head and Erza occasionally glaring daggers at them, Levy came over to Natsu and sat down next to him. There was nobody close by. Levy glanced over her shoulder once more to make sure nobody was listening, before she started whispering to Natsu.

"Is there something we can help you with?"

"Help? What are you talking about?" Natsu quirked an eyebrow at her.

Levy just smiled. "Oh, come on, don't play dumb. I'm talking about your love letter."

Natsu's eyes widened and he gaped at her. "H- how would you know my handwriting?"

"I don't. Okay, I didn't, at least not until today. After Gray showed me that letter, I knew it. He wanted me to tell him if I know whom that handwriting belonged to. I just told him truthfully that I've never seen it before. You have a rather neat handwriting for a man. I bet he's just considering females."

"But how did you _know_?"

"Oh god, Natsu, _please_. You couldn't be more obvious about your feelings even if you wore a t-shirt with the words 'I love Gray'. Honestly, it's a miracle he hasn't found out yet. So, do you want us to help?"

Natsu wasn't sure if there had ever been a day he'd blushed more often in such a short period of time. "And who exactly is 'us'?"

"All women of Fairy Tail except for Juvia... And maybe also except for Wendy."

"Oh god." If somebody could bury him alive right now, that would've been great.

"Happy knows, too."

"WHAT? Don't tell me..."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. I'm pretty sure he knows your handwriting. Why should he have kept quiet if he hadn't already known that? He's usually one for blurting things out. He'd pining for Carla, so don't you think he'd notice if the one closest to him is also pining for someone?"

"I'm not _pi-_ "

"Ohhh yes you are. Don't even start. So? Want our help or not?"

"No. Please stay out of it. I want to do it on my own."

* * *

A month passed by and nothing had changed. Natsu was still _pining_ after Gray while said ice mage was completely oblivious to everything. Somehow they had managed to hide the fact from Juvia that Gray had received a love letter. Natsu noticed the side glances he got from nearly all female members of Fairy Tail and it was _absolutely driving him mad_.

So when he woke up that night, sweating and still horrified from the nightmare in which Gray had laughed about him and his feelings, telling him that he was sick and that there was no way he'd ever love him back, he decided that it was time for another letter.

Two hours and a bin full of crumpled papers later, he'd finished his letter and was giving it a final read.

 _Gray,_

 _how can you possibly not notice that I'm in love with you? I've been told that I'm being obvious, and looking at my behavior from a neutral perspective, I think I really am. How can you not notice my longing stares or how I'm always smiling a bit brighter if it's you I'm smiling at? How I'm always a bit more cheery when I know you're looking at me?_

 _I'm not sure how much longer I can control the desire to touch you, to kiss you. I wonder how you would react if I just kissed you out of the blue? Would you be shocked, angry? Would you push me away or would you smile at me and kiss me back? I like to imagine it would be the last. If I hugged you, would you understand how much you mean to me?_

 _You mean a lot more to me than words could ever describe. I love you. I love you so much. Please notice._

* * *

When Gray entered the guild hall, he strode over to Natsu and flopped down on the bench next to him without preamble.

"I got another one."

Luckily Happy was off playing with Carla. Natsu didn't want his prying eyes on him while he was trying to act nonchalantly in front of Gray.

"Did you bring it?"

"And cause a scene like last time? No, thanks."

"Okay. But that was your fault for showing them."

"I showed it to Levy, and I asked her to treat it confidentially. But then Erza noticed that there was something to see, so she came over, and then Lucy came, and... well, you know. I never wanted it to end up with half the guild reading my letter."

"I see. And why are you telling me?"

"Because you seem to have mis-"

"I meant the new letter. Why did you tell _me_ about that?"

"Because... I need advice and I don't trust any of these snickering girls to keep it a secret anymore." He nodded towards Levy and Lucy, who were sticking their heads together and were looking in their direction, obviously talking about one or both of them, seeing as they quickly turned away when they noticed Natsu looking over to them.

That meant... Gray trusted him. Well, obviously he did. Natsu knew very well that Gray trusted him, but still. Hearing him say so made a snug feeling spread inside his stomach.

Plus he was about to ask Natsu for advice in _love matters_. Okay, he was clearly just the second - or third... or tenth - choice, but ruling the girls out limited his options dramatically. Asking Natsu was just the logical course of action. Even though he knew that, he couldn't help but feel smug.

"Yeah... you're probably right. So, what do you need advice with?"

"The letter gave me some small hints about the one who's writing them. They smile regularly. That definitely rules out Cana. And I'm sure it's also not Evergreen. She barely interacts with me or even looks my way. She's obviously in love with Elfman. That leaves over... pretty much only Mirajane. She's smiling constantly at everyone. The letter also said that the person is smiling a bit brighter when they're smiling at me, and that their behavior is more cheery when they know I'm looking at them..."

"I see. Should I go ask her?"

"NO! I want to find out without her knowing. That means I'm asking you to help me observe her _subtly_..." Gray frowned. "Do you even know the meaning of that word?"

Natsu was about to snap at him, but he caught himself. Thinking about his behavior in the past, the question was completely legitimate. He couldn't remember even one situation in which he'd behaved anything near subtle. Gray had entrusted him with something very personal and intimate. If he misbehaved now, that kind of thing would never happen again in the future.

"Yeah. Alright. I can do that."

* * *

"GRAAAAY-SAMAA! Juvia is back!"

 _Yes, thank you, we can see and hear that._

Unbidden rage rolled through his entire frame when Juvia threw her arms happily around Gray's neck. Natsu clenched his fists under the table and tried to focus on something else but it wasn't working at all. He couldn't take his eyes off the two of them for more than one second.

Gray pushed her away, like he always did, but Juvia just tried to hug him again. To Natsu's surprise, Lucy intervened and pulled Juvia away from Gray, saying that she shouldn't push so much if Gray clearly didn't want her to. Juvia's attention then shifted to Lucy, glaring daggers at her, mumbling _"love rival"_ like a mantra.

Lucy met Natsu's stare and gave him a small shrug.

* * *

The observation of Mirajane lasted several days before Gray mentioned the whole issue again. It wasn't so easy to talk without anyone hearing them after all. Natsu had done a pretty good job with being subtle about it - mostly because he'd always just regarded her with a side glance every now and then and always found her smiling, but not at Gray. Her being in love with Gray seemed unlikely to him. Especially because she seemed to encourage him with tiny gestures to make a move on Gray. Natsu wasn't quite sure what he should tell Gray when he asked him about the results of his observation. Over the past few days he'd played through several possible outcomes and had come to the conclusion that it didn't really matter what he told Gray; if he was in love with Mirajane, there was little he could do to change his mind.

If he'd fallen in love with Mirajane in the last few days because of the love letters and because he'd projected her to be the author of them, Natsu would never forgive himself. But then again, it already happened and there was little to nothing he could do about it.

His nerves were blank and his mood gloomy, but he tried to hide it all with a smile like he always did when it came to the ice mage. So when he found himself sitting next to Gray in half privacy, he was calm and mentally prepared.

"How's your conclusion?"

 _Straight to the point, huh?_ "It's not her. She's not looking your way all that often and her smile is the same for everyone."

"She could just be hiding it now that she's giving me a hint... Hmm, but I guess that wouldn't make any sense. The last line of the letter was 'please notice'..."

Natsu looked him straight in the eyes with what he hoped was a neutral expression. "Do you want it to be her?"

He held his breath while Gray was examining his features closely. "No. I'd be relieved if it's true that they're not from her. I'd have to break her heart."

"You wouldn't even give her a chance?"

"Natsu. If you were in love with somebody, and then you started to receive sweet love letters, but it turned out that the one writing them wasn't the one you're in love with, would you give the other person a chance?"

"No. I wouldn't."

* * *

The realization that Gray had confessed that he actually was in love with somebody dawned on him much later, when he was lying in his bed and trying to fall asleep. Needless to mention that he couldn't fall asleep that night.

"Natsuuuu!"

"What's up, Happy? I thought you'd be sleeping already."

"I wrote a love letter to Carla! Please check it!"

Natsu sat up in bed and looked at his bedroom door, which was slightly ajar with a blue head peeking inside.

"Okay. Come in."

Happy handed a small piece of paper to Natsu. It read:

 _Carla,_

 _Ay wuld laik tu sheir mai fish weth yuu ollways._

Natsu smiled at the paper. At least he knew how to spell her name and 'fish'. He really loved both of these words. Happy was jumping up and down on his sheets nervously.

"And? How is it?"

"How come you can read but not write a single word without error?"

Happy's face fell and his ears bent downwards. Oops. Maybe he should've been more considerate.

"How about this: I'll write you a draft and you just copy letter by letter?"

Happy's face lit up momentarily.

* * *

When Natsu re-emerged from the guild's toilets, his eyes searched the room for Gray out of habit. He found him sitting next to Happy. Happy, who was holding a piece of paper in his paws. A paper he was now turning so that Gray could read whatever was written on it.

Natsu's eyes widened in horror. His legs moved on their own volition, carrying him towards where Gray and Happy were sitting.

"- but it was no good and then Natsu wrote this for me so that I can copy it, but I want to learn it by heart and then write it on my own"

Natsu was already close, but neither had noticed him yet. Gray was staring with wide eyes at the paper Happy was holding and Natsu recognized it and the text in his own neat handwriting, reading _Carla, I would like to share my fish with you always._

His heartbeat was so loud in his ears that it drowned out any other noise.

Like in slow motion, Gray turned his head and met Natsu's eyes. His expression was shocked.

Natsu took a step back. His head was spinning and empty at the same time.

The next thing he knew was that he was running, fleeing from Gray. The ground was grassy. Probably Fairy Hills, then. His eyes were blurry and he couldn't see clearly.

"NATSU! STOP!"

 _Oh great_ , Gray was following him. So much for wanting to be alone. He sped up a bit more.

Suddenly there was ice under his feet instead of grass and he slipped. He fell on his hands and knees and slid on the ice a few meters. Then the ice turned into grass again and he rolled over some two or three times before coming to a halt, lying on his back.

The sky was really beautiful. It was peaceful, only a few clouds disrupting the picture of perfect blue. He could spend hours just staring at the sky, imagining he could fly like a dragon.

The view was soon blocked out by the most beautiful face he'd ever seen in his life. Gray was sitting astride of his hips and supporting his weight on either side of Natsu's head. He was effectively caught. Not that it made any difference. He didn't have any power left to flee again anyway. He was so tired. Completely and utterly exhausted. He hadn't noticed how much energy it had cost him to hide like this.

"Natsu. Do you have any idea how you make me feel?"

"I'm sorry." And really, he was. It wasn't his fault, but nevertheless, he was sorry he'd made Gray feel awful or pressured or maybe even _disgusted_. He closed his eyes. He couldn't see anything anyway, with his eyes full of tears.

Then he felt a finger softly wiping his tears and it made everything even worse. "I don't want your _pity_ , Gray."

"Does this feel or look like pity to you?"

Natsu opened his eyes and blinked away his tears. Gray's expression was soft, affectionate, his lips curled into a small smile and his eyes were shining with something Natsu couldn't pinpoint. He felt his hair all over his body standing on end and his heart rate picked up momentarily. Gray's thumb was still caressing his cheeks.

"No. It doesn't."

"Right now I feel like I'm in paradise. I'm sitting on the person I'm in love with. I'm touching you in a way I'd never thought you'd allow me to. I've craved for touching you for such a long time and now finally being able to... I can't really believe it. I've only just realized that these letters are probably from you... They are, aren't they? You wrote them?"

"I... yes. Yes. They're from me."

Gray's smile grew fonder and Natsu's stomach felt impossibly warm. He brought his arms around Gray's shoulders and pulled him down, his gaze never leaving Gray's eyes as the distance between their faces grew smaller.

He closed his eyes a moment before their lips met. Gray's lips were as soft as he'd imagined them to be. But this was real, he needed to remind himself over and over again as their lips brushed gently against each other's and his heart was doing funny things. A content sigh escaped his lips when Gray gave up carrying his own weight and relaxed onto Natsu instead.

After a while, Gray pulled back just enough for them to be able to see the face of the other. His eyes were gleaming with joy.

"I love you, Natsu."

"I love you, too."

Gray brushed the backside of his fingers over Natsu's cheek.

"Natsu... Would you do me the honor of going out with me?"

"Where do you want to- Ouch!"

"I'm being romantic here, and you're making fun of me! You're unbelievable," he complained, but the way he was tugging at Natsu's cheeks and smiling like an idiot betrayed his feelings.

Natsu turned them over in a swift motion so that he was sitting astride Gray's hips now. "Sorry. I'm just so happy. Yes. Of course I want to be your boyfriend." He smiled down at _his boyfriend_ and then leaned down to seal their lips in a sweet kiss.

* * *

An hour later, the two of them returned to the guild hall with their hands entwined, tousled hair and equally content and happy expressions on their faces. It was Lucy who spotted them first. She let out a squeaking sound when she noticed their joined hands and then everybody's eyes were on the pair.

There was a clap from somewhere in the corner, then another one joined in and soon Gray and Natsu found themselves confronted with a big applause and whistling noises.

A party ensued and everybody was laughing and congratulating them and spending a good time. Juvia was thankfully out on a job again - they didn't want her to spoil their first evening as a couple.

Later that evening, Natsu pulled Happy into a corner where they could talk without being interrupted every few seconds.

"You aren't actually bad at spelling, are you?"

Happy grinned at him knowingly. "It was hard to think of a way how to misspell 'Carla' and 'fish', so I didn't."

Natsu made a mock-angry face and poked Happy's side, but then pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading & please leave a review! :)**


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